Short-Term Intensive Therapy (STIM Pathway) For Neurodiversity
May 28, 2026
By Laura Hackett, Mental Health Occupational Therapist
Motherhood is the hardest job I have ever done.
Nobody really tells you that. No antenatal class or book on the fourth trimester quite spells it out – This job will be relentless, there is no clocking off, no annual leave, and very little predictability. The demands are constant and, for many mothers, they remain that way for years.
Sometimes I joke that if we truly understood the reality beforehand, some of us might be sipping mojitos in the Caribbean instead. When I picture that image, I laugh because I used to take holidays like that – long, relaxing days by the sea, cocktails in hand, listening to the beautiful rhythm of another language in the background. I look back now as a Mum of three and honestly wish someone had tapped me on the shoulder during my last holiday BC (Before Children) and said, “Savour this. It may be your last truly restful holiday for quite some time.”
I’m not writing this to frighten new mothers. Quite the opposite. I’m writing it because I believe we need more honesty about the realities of motherhood.
Whether you’re caring for one baby, navigating life with a newborn and a toddler, or juggling multiple children, the role is incredibly demanding. If it feels hard, it’s because it is hard, not because you’re doing it wrong.
As a Mental Health Occupational Therapist and Perinatal Mental Health Specialist, I have worked with many mothers who worry that they are somehow failing. I was one of them. Even as a mental health professional, I wasn’t immune to the overwhelm that arrived after my third child. In fact, I was surprised by how much I struggled with the constant demands, the mental load, and the feeling that I had somehow disappeared beneath everyone else’s needs. My nervous system wasn’t exactly thriving. It was more like an internet browser with 52 tabs open – all day long.
Research suggests that when the demands of parenting consistently outweigh the resources available to meet them, mothers can experience parental burnout, characterised by overwhelming emotional exhaustion, chronic stress, and a growing sense of being depleted by the parenting role (Roskam et al., 2019). Over time, I came to realise something important – one of the biggest risks in early motherhood is neglecting your own needs. Looking after yourself isn’t selfish, it is essential. Many mothers hear the message that they simply need to “practise more self-care”, as though the occasional yoga class or uninterrupted bath can somehow offset months of sleep deprivation, constant caregiving, and carrying the mental load for an entire family. The reality is that when we are experiencing nervous system overload, it is regular, realistic moments of restoration woven into everyday life that are most effective.
Emerging neuroscience suggests that the “mental load of motherhood” extends far beyond the visible tasks of parenting. It encompasses the constant planning, anticipating, organising, decision-making, and emotional monitoring involved in caring for a family. This ongoing cognitive and emotional labour places sustained demands on the maternal brain and it is no wonder that leads to overwhelm and increased vulnerability to mental health difficulties (Callaghan et al., 2024).
I often encourage mothers to think in terms of micro self-care ie. small, achievable acts that support regulation and recovery, such as drinking a hot cup of tea, stepping outside for five minutes of fresh air, or taking a short walk around the block while listening to a favourite podcast. One that has worked for me is listening to some relaxing music while folding laundry, as I sit on the floor outside my kids bedroom waiting for them to fall asleep. Needs must. Do what is realistic and what works for you. These moments may seem insignificant, but repeated consistently they can have a powerful impact on our wellbeing, reminding us that our needs matter too.
Motherhood Is a Major Occupational Transition
Pregnancy and early motherhood represent one of the most significant occupational transitions many women will ever experience. From an occupational therapy perspective, becoming a mother is far more than taking on a new role. It is a process of occupational change, during which everyday routines, habits, roles, relationships and sense of identity are reshaped as women adapt to the realities of caring for a new baby. Rather than simply adding motherhood to an existing life, women often find themselves reconstructing how they spend their time, how they see themselves, and what gives their daily lives meaning (Horne et al., 2005). As occupational therapists, we understand wellbeing through the interconnected lens of occupations, roles, routines and identity. One of the most profound changes in early motherhood is the transition from being an independent adult to becoming a primary caregiver. Alongside this new role comes significant role renegotiation. Relationships can shift, partner dynamics can change, and existing roles may be reshaped or temporarily lost. The worker role may be paused, friendships can look different or fall away completely as we struggle with less time to nurture outside relationships, and the activities that once filled our days may suddenly become difficult to access. Many women experience role strain and role overload, particularly when support is limited or when there is an imbalance in the practical and emotional responsibilities involved in caring for a baby.
If you’re someone who thrives on organisation, routine and predictability, early motherhood can feel especially challenging. Routines often collapse completely. Sleep becomes a rare commodity, or at the very least, fragmented. Days revolve around feeding and settling, making freedom seem like a dangling carrot on a stick. Very little feels predictable. Simple plans can suddenly feel impossible to execute, and activities that once felt effortless, like showering, leaving the house, or eating a meal while it’s still hot, can require military-level planning.
This isn’t a personal failure. It’s the reality of a major occupational transition that requires constant adaptation rather than perfection. Occupational therapy isn’t about helping mothers “do more.” It’s about supporting them to do what matters most, in ways that are sustainable for both their wellbeing and their family. Sometimes that means rebuilding routines, protecting opportunities for rest and recovery, adapting daily occupations, or simply giving ourselves permission to lower the bar during a season of life that asks so much of us.
The Identity Shift Nobody Warns You About
Motherhood is not simply a new role – it is an identity transformation.
Many women describe feeling as though they have lost touch with the person they once were. Their pre-motherhood self can begin to feel like a distant memory, creating a sense of disconnect between who they were and who they are now. Our values change. Our priorities shift. We may question our competence in ways we never have before. Our relationship with our body can feel different, and our sexual identity may shift too.
From an occupational therapy perspective, motherhood often brings a profound disruption to occupational identity. The occupations that once reinforced our sense of self – our work, hobbies, exercise, friendships and personal interests – can become difficult to access or are temporarily replaced by the constant demands of caregiving. When meaningful occupations disappear and opportunities for restoration become scarce, it is easy to lose sight of ourselves. Add chronic sleep deprivation, the invisible mental load and the relentless demands of caregiving, and it is no surprise that our nervous systems can become overloaded and our mental health can feel fragile. Understanding motherhood as both a biological and occupational transition can reduce self-blame and foster greater self-compassion.
Five Top Tips for New Mothers
As a mum of three, a Mental Health Occupational Therapist and a Perinatal Mental Health Specialist, and a realist (I used to be an idealist until I found myself with three children under four!) – these are my five favourite realistic strategies for supporting your nervous system and navigating the beautiful chaos of early motherhood.
They won’t make motherhood easy – because it isn’t – but they may help it feel a little more manageable, a little less overwhelming, and a lot more sustainable.
1. Create One Anchor in Your Week
Don’t over-plan, but do plan something.
Choose one regular activity each week, whether that’s a baby group, a coffee with another parent or a walk with a friend. Small routines create structure, connection and a sense of continuity during an otherwise unpredictable season of life.
2. Practise Micro Self-Care
Forget the idea that self-care has to involve spa days or uninterrupted hours to yourself. In early motherhood, self-care needs to be realistic. Think five to ten minutes – a hot cup of tea in the garden (drink it while it’s still hot!), a quick stretch, a favourite podcast while folding laundry or a few minutes of deep breathing while they watch the same episode of Peppa Pig for the hundredth time.
Small moments of restoration, repeated consistently, can have a powerful impact on nervous system regulation.
3. Prioritise Movement
Movement supports mood, reduces stress and helps regulate our nervous system.
Sometimes the hardest part is getting out of the house, but a short walk is often enough to shift your mental state. Put the baby in the sling and go!
4. Schedule a Rest Day
Block out one day each week to do what I call “clearing the cache.”
Mindfully schedule nothing. Put it in your phone diary as Rest Day. It is your permission slip to slow down, in between the nappy changes, of course. Maybe you’ll finally pair those odd socks that have somehow formed little crumb-filled communities around the house, or perhaps you’ll simply catch up on the messages you’ve been meaning to reply to.
Rest doesn’t always mean doing nothing. Sometimes it means removing the pressure to do everything.
5. Tell the Truth
Honesty creates connection.
When we share our real experience, we often discover that other mothers are carrying similar struggles. When we bump into another Mum and they ask about how things are – Sometimes saying, “My baby hasn’t slept and I’m exhausted,” gives another parent permission to reply, “Me too” or “I’ve been there it’s so hard”.
Those moments remind us of something important – we are not alone, and this season will not last forever.
Motherhood has stretched me, challenged me and humbled me in ways I never anticipated. Yet despite the burnout, the nervous system overload and the endless tabs open in my mind, it remains my raison d’être and my favourite role of all. Perhaps that is the truth about motherhood – it can be both incredibly hard and deeply meaningful at the same time. The days can feel very long when you’re living through the early chaos of motherhood, but this is just a season. Like all seasons, it will pass.
Callaghan, B. L., McCormack, C., Kim, P., & Pawluski, J. L. (2024). Understanding the maternal brain in the context of the mental load of motherhood. Nature Mental Health, 2(7), 764–772. https://doi.org/10.1038/s44220-024-00268-4
Horne, J., Corr, S., & Earle, S. (2005). Becoming a mother: Occupational change in first time motherhood. Journal of Occupational Science, 12(3), 176–183. https://doi.org/10.1080/14427591.2005.9686561
Roskam, I., Mikolajczak, M., & Gross, J. J. (2019). Parental burnout: What is it, and why does it matter? Clinical Psychological Science, 7(6), 1319–1329. https://doi.org/10.1177/2167702619858430
